**Disclaimer: This post contains information both disturbing and disgusting. Read at your own risk.)
Yesterday, as I am browsing the shelves of JoAnn’s crafts looking for some fun scrapbooky things to give Gwen for her 8th birthday, I get a call from Jenna.
It goes something like this:
Jenna: “Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew! You won’t belive this! This is so disgusting!”
Me: (Calmly sifting through some clearanced stickers) “Is this going to be a gross story?”
Jenna: “Ew! Ew ew ew! You won’t believe this!”
Me: “This is going to be a gross story. Do I need to leave the store and find somewhere to sit down?”
(The next part of the dialogue is paraphrased for time’s sake.)
Jenna: “We have moths in our cupboards! And it’s soooo disgusting! And I don’t know how to get rid of them! (Etc., etc.)”
Me: (Very calmly and chuckling softly to myself) “Oh, Jenna.”
And THEN I proceeded to go home, look in the cupboard she and Britt share, see the three or so moths fluttering around in there, close the cupboard door, go to my own cupboard, pull out a box of rice-a-roni, fry that stuff up (with some chicken, it’s delectable), power up the PC (that’s right, I’m a PC and proud of it), and research moth infestations. Surprisingly, reading up on moth babies and testimonies of which poisons worked best for who did not deter from the delectableness of my rice-a-chicken.
After all, it wasn’t MY cupboard that was infested.
Flash forward to today. Just for kicks I think to myself, I should look through my own food just to put my mind at ease, right? I did, after all, read yesterday that moths and their evil spawn can bust into even unopened bags and boxes, far away from where they originated. So I browse. Can of beef broth, can of chicken broth, box of cereal, hidden tupperware, and… unopened bag of brown rice….
THAT IS COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY INFESTED! GROSS GROSS GROSS!
So now my cupboards have caught the disease, and I’m really hoping the acids in my stomach are enough to kill anything alive I may have inadvertently consumed in my Rice-a-chicken. Jenna and I now have plans tomorrow to throw out pretty much all of our food and go buy glass or plastic containers to keep opened grains and goods in. And we’re kind of scared to go in the kitchen. I don’t know what we’re expecting… maybe for all those baby bugs to rise up together for an attack the second we step foot onto the tile. I’m not sure.
All I know is that I’m really, really hungry, and our unwelcome houseguests are holding all my beloved food hostage. Jerks.