Tonight, you lucky dogs, we have two special treats. One, a special Wednesday night edition of the Brittany and Ryan School of Cooking. We are learning how to make a chef’s salad tonight. And the second treat, since chef’s salad is so simple any monkey could do it, I am getting my first brush with hands-on experience. (Cheers from the studio audience.) Thank you, thank you.

How to make a chef’s salad:

Boil eggs

Chop cheese into 1/4 in cubes.

Stop for a coke. (This is hard work.)

Chop turkey into whatever shapes you can get them in

How to make croissants:

Bust Pillsbury carton.

Roll dough.

Oven-ate those suckers.

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